thoughts on being a mother

being a mother is the craziest thing. 

it's the best feeling in the world.

but then literally two seconds later, it can be the must frustrating feeling in the world.

it sounds so incredibly cliché, but it's so true.

i live for these little babes of mine.

they are a gift i have been entrusted with.

i know that the constant messes, the incessant "was dat? wasss dat, mama?" and the tantrums will fade.

i know that the overwhelming frustration i can feel at times will barely be a memory when i'm old and grey.

{i mean, sometimes even now when i retell the stories, they sound downright comical even though at the time they had me in tears.}

i know i'm going to look back and miss their squeaky little voices begging for "naks" {snacks}, "memo" {the movie finding nemo}, "cookee" {cookies} and "pwetty dwesssss" {pretty dresses}.

i hope that i can be as good a mother to them as my mother is to me.

she comes to town and helps me out with the kids for weeks.

i hope i can do that for them one day.

i hope i can be more patient and give them everything they need, not just things they want.

and i hope that one day soon i can have 24 hours to myself so i can just sewwwwwww.

doesn't that sound dreamy?

plus multiple seasons of reality tv shows i've missed since we gave up cable {SO expensive!} and meals and beverages delivered to my door so i don't even have to take the time to cook.

sigh.

happy mother's day, y'all.

{you can read about my first mother's day here.}

[photos by our favorite photog, stephanie ryan. can't wait to see the rest from this shoot!]

how to hand paint a polka dot wall - a step by step tutorial

this is the best $10 makeover a room can EVER have.

you only need a few supplies and i bet you have almost all of them on hand.

go to home depot and buy this paint:

martha stewart living metallic paint in vintage gold.

you'll also need:

a level

a measuring tape

cardboard or card stock

a plate, bowl, or round object the size you want your wall dots to be

scissors

a pencil

a paintbrush

a step ladder

and a lot of time and patience.

i'm pretty sure there's a MUCH easier way to go about this, but i didn't have time to figure it out.

i wanted to get going and get it done!

gather your supplies and trace your plate {or whatever} on the cardboard or card stock and cut it out.

now let's measure.

get comfortable with measuring, we're going to be doing a LOT of measuring.

if you mess up measuring and tracing...

make sure you have extra wall paint for touch ups!

{mr. clean magic eraser didn't work either!}

keep measuring, tracing and measuring and tracing and measuring and tracing.

or if you get bored like me, alternate tracing and measuring for painting.

painting is way more fun anyways.

this paint has really good coverage for a metallic, but i used about three coats on every dot because i wanted them to all have the exact same perfect sheen.

{yes, i know i'm a little nuts...}

i really wanted this wall done so i could take photos of the twins wearing my leggings for my website.

such a silly little outtake of a silly little girl.

we had a lifestyle shoot with stephanie ryan and i love this photo she took of the girls SO much.

i always hear them jumping on their beds upstairs and love how this captured their silly personalities and their fun polka dot wall!

good luck if you decide to tackle it yourself!

i need a change

It's 3:18 am and I'm awake. 

Wwhhyyyyy!!? 

I should be sleeping. I have three very fun and crazy babies that will need all of my attention tomorrow, I need my energy. I need my sleep. I should be sleeping. But I'm not. Ok. Moving on. My brain just doesn't want to shut off today. I have so many thoughts running through my head...mostly thoughts revolving my business. I was sick and didn't do any sewing for almost a week. I had a lot of time to lay around and think. I thought a LOT about my business and why I even do it. I figured out that I do it because I want a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction paired with an income to help my family, maybe even finally getting around to opening those college savings accounts for the kids  that we've talked about forever. 

I currently have thousands of dollars worth of fabric that is just waiting to be used. Doesn't that just sound crazy?! It's totally crazy. Crazy that 1. I have that much and 2. That it costs as much as it does. I've been delaying cutting into my "spring" which is now more like "summer" line because I have limited quantities and am just not ready for the headache of it... Of making sure I don't oversell a print that I'm not going to get made again and the comments and emails from those that may miss out on what print they want because it sold out too quickly. That sounds like it would be a great problem to have, huh? It is. I have been so very blessed that my business has been so successful so quickly. I wished for that and it came true. 

When the twins were about 3 months old, I started CKD by sewing ruffle rompers and diaper covers and selling them on etsy. Not even five months later, I was burned out and questioning doing the whole thing altogether. (Sound familiar?) I eventually scaled back listing new items for sale and then stopped completely. It was nice! I could actually sew for myself and my babies. Then if get an itch to make something new and sell it because people would want to buy it. 

I got a taste of the good life when I was sick (kind of). Sure I was sick and thought I had a version of the plague, but I was able to rest, go to bed early and most importantly - not have to cut out leggings! Now  I'm drunk on the no-cutting-out-leggings lifestyle and don't want to be sober. 

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO???

I don't know. 

I kinda love being busy, but I also kinda hate it. 

I love CKD but I also kinda hate it. Am I just getting burned out from working too hard? 

Or am I really wanting to quit? 

Am I a quitter? 

Is this like when I quit gymnastics when I was little because I was unsure of my own abilities? 

Or when I quit diving because I didn't want to compete and it only made sense to actually do the difficult dives that I was scared to do? (I mean, who wants to do somersaults and twists off a three meter springboard anyway?!) 

Do I get tired of something and move on because it's boring or because it's too hard? 

Is this too hard? 

Or is it just a little out of balance? 

Do I need to limit my orders to only a certain amount a week (thanks Amanda) or do I need to have my leggings pre-made before I sell them? 

Will that ease the stress? 

Am I doubting myself because of negative words I read on the Internet? 

Or because I'm worried that juggling all of these optional tasks are making me a more stressed out, less fun Mom? 

Are my two year old twins getting more naughty and defiant because they're in the throws of the "terrible two's" or because they're acting out because I'm not spending as much face time with them as before?
(As in before I had Ezra. I try my best not to work when they're awake, but it's not always avoidable.) 

I have so many questions....so many doubts.

I love making stuff, but I fear having regret.

I don't want to regret working on my business.

I don't want to feel like I can't take the kids swimming because I need to stay home and work on orders.

I don't want to say no to play dates and park time because I need to stay home and print invoices.

I want to be able to do it all.

But I'm going to work harder on finding a better balance.

I HAVE TO.

Because the way things are now just aren't working.

It's too lopsided.

It's just not right.

I'm going to catch up on what's already in queue and then I'm going to give myself a little break.

Take a few days off.

Work on nothing but fun, creative projects for myself.

But in the meantime, I've made some of my not-yet-released fabric colors for sale.

I've had a lot of people ask me if I sell my fabric and I've always said no.

Well, now's your chance.

They may not be for sale forever, but they are for now.

You can find them here.

{ps: if you're going to make leggings, make sure you buy the ORGANIC COTTON KNIT - leggings need stretch!}

 Let's cross our fingers I find some balance and become a happier me!

how to build a rustic modern table {DIY table tutorial}

: : S U P P L I E S : :

two {2} of ikea's VIKA MOLIDEN underframes as the legs.

{they look shinier in person, not so dull as they do below}

kiln dried wood in your desired size.

i wanted 8" wide boards that were 2" thick.

i called around and could only find them at one place.

most places like home depot and lowe's don't carry kiln dried wood {or if they do it's like a 2x4" or something} and i wanted wide planks.

so away we went to the lumber yard.

a young woman with twin girls and an infant aren't the norm at this lumber yard, so we got the royal treatment.

they let me pick out the exact boards i wanted {white fir} and cut them down to 60" {5'}.

they also gave me three strips of scrap plywood to use to join the boards together underneath the tabletop.

my table is has six 8" wide planks, so the plywood boards needed to be a few inches shorter than 48" {about 44"} to be hidden from view. 

then we went to home depot and bought:

a sander

three packages of sandpaper in different grits

minwax espresso stain

a paintbrush

rags

tons of wood screws {i think i bought a box of 95 1.5" long screws and a pack of 25 1" long screws for the table legs}

two packages of 3/8" wood dowels {70 total}

a 3/8"drill bit

two wood clamps {that are long enough to clamp together two of your boards}

liquid nails {optional}

so then i laid out my boards exactly how i wanted them and got sanding.

once i felt like all of the boards were smooth and clean of all sawdust, i played around with staining.

to achieve the above look, i painted on the stain, waited until it dried, then sanded it again.

in hindsight i should've wiped the stain, buuuuut i didn't know any better so i stained all the boards and waited for them to dry.

and it took a WHILE. like 4 days? and the boards still felt a little tacky and damp.

duh.

that's not how you're supposed to stain.

so don't do that.

paint on the stain and then wipe it off.

let it dry.

if it's not dark enough, do it again.

this is how dark mine looked before i sanded it.

{just playing with the legs to see how it would look.}

then sand your little heart out.

sand it until it looks exactly how you want and it doesn't feel damp or tacky.

then lay out your boards and number them on their backsides.

now it's time to drill holes for the dowels.
the dowels are about 1.5" long, so i made a mark on my drill bit about 3/4" long out of painters tape so i'd know when i drill 3/4" deep.
{because you want the dowels to stick halfway in each board.}
this is what the first board looked like....

on the next board i simply put in the dowels, laid the board flat next to the next board and traced a circle where the dowel hit, so i'd know where my holes need to be so the dowels fit.

once i was done drilling, i'd squeeze the boards together to see if they would fit together.
most of the time they did, but sometimes they didn't and i had to re-drill.

sometimes squeezing wouldn't cut it, so i did this.




i just used a scrap piece of plywood to bang them together.
just be sure to not hit your dowels!
it should look like this.




when you do the next board, stagger the dowels so you're not always drilling in the same spots.
see below.

 continue until all of your boards are done.
now if you want to get really fancy, you can use liquid nails in between each board when you finally put them together using the wood clamps.

i only did this on one pair of boards and didn't do the others because i didn't like the way it looked in between the boards.
it kinda oozed out and i didn't see it because it oozed underneath the boards.
annoying.

so clamp your pairs of boards together to get them nice and tight and then start putting them all together.

hammer here, hammer there, get them strong and tight together.

figure out where you want your support pieces of plywood to go and add an insane amount of screws.
like 4-5 screws per board section.





screw in your table legs and voila, you have a finished table.

if no one is home to help you put it in the house, a longboard can seriously come in handy.
{can you tell i'm impatient?}

celebrate and eat some cookies.

or some thai peanut chicken with mango salsa and coconut rice.

{doesn't that sound amazing right now?}

or have a party!

or just nibble on some yummy baby toes.

now enjoy your fancy table.

and feel free to ask me any questions in the comments, i'm sure i probably left some important detail out!

:)

{highchairs are the boon flairs, chairs are the tabouret chairs from overstock.com}

my handmade business

lately i've been seeing lots of comments around social media and blogs about handmade pricing. mostly people complaining about how expensive handmade items are. it's true! buying handmade this is expensive, you know why?

because they are HANDMADE.



these items weren't made in a sweatshop, they were made with love and care by the person who sells them.
with so many apparel businesses taking their business to other countries where the labor is insanely cheap, it's difficult to compete.
actually, it's practically impossible.



why buy my $38 leggings when you can get $5 china made leggings at target, right?
i still buy my kids target leggings.
if they get stained while playing outside, no biggie, they were only 5 bucks, right?
but what about when you want something nice?
something made with organic cotton?
something original?
something really great for family pictures or for a birthday party outfit?
something handcrafted that is helping support a family of five?
that's when you buy my leggings.
they're expensive, but they have worth.



there are an insane amount of costs with a handmade, US-based business.
a LOT of costs that you don't think about when you experience designer legging sticker shock.
{or just handmade sticker shock}.

my fabric is almost $30/yard. i'm just gonna put it out there. it's EXPENSIVE to get your own designs custom printed. it's even more expensive to get them printed on USA organic knit with water-based inks {which i do}. i'm currently seeking a new printer, but still, that's not going to be the $3/yard knit you can get in the LA fashion district straight from china.

and don't forget, you still need to pay for:
elastic
thread
cutting blades
size labels
business cards
washing instruction cards
stickers
printer paper
 printer ink
cards
shipping bags
shipping labels
shipping tape
tissue paper
binder clips
candy

aaaaaaaand you're not done. you still have to pay your seamstresses!
and

sales tax

self-employment tax

and i'm sure there's other taxes that i'm missing out on.

but wait, what about MY paycheck?

everyone else got paid, what about me?
i hand cut every single pair of leggings.
the legs, the cuffs, the elastic, the tags...it's a lot of cutting.
sewing blankets, sewing new designs, drafting patterns, perfecting patterns....it's a lot of work.

i'm not going to work for free.

i'm not going to work for minimum wage.

if i'm working 6 days a week on this {during all hours of the day: during nap time and usually from about 10 PM to 1 or 2 or 3 AM} i'm going to pay myself something decent.
i still haven't figured out that amount {i haven't even taken a paycheck yet}, but when i do, it will probably be less than what i was making at the bank and the law office.

how funny is that.

there is a perception that because people charge a lot for their handmade items they are rolling in the dough.

perhaps some are, but i can assure you that most aren't.

i'm living and working in a house that has less than 1500 sq ft for FIVE people {three of them with loooooots of baby stuff}, with no pantry and no linen closet. 

whaaaat?

where's my baller house to go with my baller leggings?

that's right, it doesn't exist.

handmade prices also need to reflect the time being put into these items.
time to design the item, time to purchase goods for the item, time produce the item, time to photograph and style the item, time to list the item, time to prepare the item for shipping, time to ship the item...
not to mention all of the one on one customer service that comes with the item by way of personal communication whether it be email, phone calls, etc.
it all takes a LOT of  t i m e.
and if you were to calculate it all out, i'm sure more often than not, the handmade business owner isn't the one getting the sweet end of the deal.


but what about discounts?
everyone loves a discount, right?
i know i sure do.
large clothing companies can offer discounts because they can buy hundreds and thousands of yards of fabric on the cheap.
{they also have cheap labor, but we've already covered that.}
when someone asks me for a discount, i cringe a little inside.
to me, it's like they're saying, "your leggings aren't worth their price. your hard work isn't worth it."
it stabs, i'm not gonna lie.
i would LOVE to offer discounts.
i would love to be able to sell my leggings for $20/pair.
heck, i'd love to be able to GIVEAWAY free pairs of leggings to ALL of my nice customers {and there are plenty!!}.
the only way i get discounts is if i buy a ridiculous amount of fabric.
like at least 20 yards of one style.
so unless you're willing to order about 50 pairs of leggings, i can't really give you a break because i don't get a break.

i love my business.

i love seeing my thoughts and dreams come into fruition.

when the fedex man brings me rolls of my fabric, i'm all smiles.

it's fulfilling.

but i can tell you i've worked harder at this job than i have at any other paying job.

i design my fabric and answer emails while nursing.

i give up nights out and sleep to cut fabric and work on invoices.

i have even given up showers to get orders in the mail. now if that doesn't scream dedication, i don't know what does.

i know that all of this hard work will pay off one day.

i know i'm supposed to be doing this.

it will all be worth it.

i have been able to meet some very sweet people while running this little business of mine.

there has been so much support for me that it just blows my mind.

here are some of the places candy kirby designs has been in the last two months:

small fry blog

the sweet girls at small fry blog included my leggings in a television segment of the top ten newborn essentials.



they also included my leggings in posts here and here
. . . . .
the alison show
here and here
. . . . .
babble
here and here
. . . . .
the wiegands
. . . . .
disney baby
here and here
. . . . .
mine style
. . . . .
babyology
. . . . .
sometimes sweet
. . . . .

you can see my stuff at candykirbydesigns.com



so maybe next time you look to purchase something handmade and are shocked by the price, you'll have a little more understanding as to why it's priced that way.
the business person isn't out to get you.
they aren't trying to rob you of your money.
they're just trying to do something they love and {hopefully} make a decent income from it.

they were quiet...i should've known

oh geez.

the girls were supposed to be watching the lorax in my room {because ezra was sleeping upstairs and i wasn't about to let the girls up there and wake him up}, but they had other ideas.

i was placing a rather large fabric order and was trying really hard to focus.

then i realized the quiet.

as soon as i walked in, as if in slow motion, stella wiped her lipstick-covered hand on my white duvet cover.

i screamed "noooooooooooooooo" IN MY HEAD because i wasn't about to wake the baby.

and then i grabbed my camera and started taking pictures.

probably not the best thing to do {as far as parental discipline and such}, but seeing my lipsticked girls was precious through my lens.

it eased my frustration and allowed me to see how silly and giddy they were - something i most likely wouldn't have noticed if i didn't crouch down low to see their faces while taking their picture.

it's so easy to stand above them and look down at them in frustration and anger.

toddlers are pros at getting into trouble.

my girls are like olympic athlete professional status at getting into trouble.

since there's two of them it's like it's squared or something.

but i'm glad i kept my cool.

of course i told them that what they did was naughty and i'm pretty sure they realized that as soon as i put them into the shower with their clothes and diapers on - not wanting to waste any time taking them off before pretreating and throwing my duvet cover in the wash.

sigh.

those girls.

so crazy.

so silly.

so sweet.

i love them so.